NYFW: What You Don’t Know About Insecurity

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In case you missed it: NYFW Day 1, NYFW Day 2 // Photos: Mary Kate Steele

One thing I sadly noticed at NYFW was insecurity. It reared it’s head in several ways… sometimes  not speaking to others, sometimes giving a haughty look, and other times excluding other women without even realizing it. I talked to woman after woman who experienced insecurity at one time or another. Some left parties because they didn’t feel like they were welcomed. Others asked why so-and-so didn’t say hello or why no one even noticed they were there. Some people didn’t get into shows or parties they wanted to and played the comparison game with who got into what.

If I said I didn’t think about some of these things some of the time I was in New York, I’d be lying. Blogging and social media influence can be just as competitive as any other field, unfortunately. Yet the reality is that there are enough personality types, people, and unique qualities that will draw some people towards you and repel others away. Being uniquely YOU allows there to be plenty of space for all of us as bloggers. Or all of us as teachers, or all of us as painters, or whatever it is YOU do.

When I asked if any of you wanted me to write on insecurity and what your thoughts are on it, here’s a few of the responses I heard back:

“All the time I feel insecure and wish I didn’t! I always feel judged around other women my age and at 37 you would think I could care less but I struggle with this more than I ever did. The only time I am confident in myself is when I am taking care of my 2 daughters and I don’t want them to ever feel insecure!”

“Wow, this speaks to my heart and is something I struggle with in ways that have pushed me into severe depression.”

“I love this and could talk about insecurity all day. And to your next quote (Comparison is the thief of joy), comparison takes me to a high place of self-righteousness or a deep place of insecurity. Usually driven by fear. That I’m not significant enough. Honestly, when I feel insecure, I can usually take myself down a rabbit trail with the question “Why?” and I get to “I’m scared I don’t matter.” I’ll be honest, it’s hard in this social media world. It feels like so many people are famous and significant through social media.” When I asked this precious woman if I could share her words, she responded…

“Of course! My prayer is that we would all realize we are seen by Him. I honestly wish we talked about this more. We arm ourselves in a way that we think we are protecting our heart but it’s often preventing us from experiencing real relationships.” -Mary Laird

Y’all…this is real. This is truth. This is raw honesty.

My hope and prayer is that this post will uplift you and inspire you to be aware of the people around you and how you may be affecting them. It seems like women struggle with insecurity more than men. As many of you know, I’ve been reading “Present Over Perfect” lately and it actually speaks a lot to being secure in your identity. I read page 62 last night, and it hits the nail on the head…

“I thought about how other people felt about me or the thought about me could determine my happiness. When I see that on the page now, staring back at me in black and white, I see how deeply flawed this idea is, how silly even.”

“The crucial journey, then for me, has been from dependence on external expectations, down into my own self, deeper still into GOD’S VIEW OF ME, his love for me that doesn’t change, that will not change, that defines and grounds everything.”

During my time at New York Fashion Week, I kept thinking of this quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. One day I got so caught up in the hustle bustle and the negative talk that I came back to my room and started listening to a sermon while I got ready for the next event. Soon one of my roomies came back and turned on worship music. It’s amazing how placing your mind and spirit on Christ can quickly turn your perspective around.

We know that the Lord has specific plans carved out for us and that looking at others and comparing ourselves with them will take away from us pursuing His glory in the unique way He designed us to do.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

“But let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 10:17

It breaks my heart that women tear other women down whether they realize it or not. I would highly encourage you that if you are reading this today, simply think about how you welcome other women into a situation.

When you see someone come into your gym you haven’t met before, do you at least smile and say hello? When you see someone new at church, do you go up and introduce yourself? When you have a moms’ night out and the new girl in the neighborhood shows up, do you introduce yourself and invite her to meet your friends?

I know we are all so busy friends. Trust me, I get it. But don’t let your busy take away the JOY Christ wants you to feel in forming relationships. God created us for human relationships. That’s why social media won’t fulfill you. It’s why your iPhone text being answered isn’t as good as an in-person catch up. That’s why when you are at coffee, your phone should be in your purse or at least on vibrate.

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I don’t have all the solutions, I don’t have it all figured out. I’m just a sinner like you, saved by grace, and trying to listen to what the Lord guides me to do with this platform. I could cry when I think about some of you thinking you aren’t enough or that you don’t matter.

You matter, friend. You matter to your kids, your spouse, your roommate, your parents, the stranger you spoke to when no one else had that day. You matter to me. In fact, your messages and comments make my day!

Are you being present? Are you noticing the people around you who need love? Or are you too caught up in your to do list to notice when others feel awkward or are hurting around you? My prayer is that no matter what season of life you are in that you don’t just find security or confidence but that you root your identity in Christ who is the only One who can bring you peace. Let Him work through you to observe and notice them around you.

I promise you’ll look different than the rest of the world when He is in you. And you know what? If you’re wrapped up in who Christ created you to be and  pouring into other around you, you may just not have enough time or thoughts left to compare yourself to others.

If you ever have questions about what any of this looks like or don’t know what to do with what you’ve read today, reach out to a believer in your life and ask them what being a Christian means. And if you don’t know anyone else, you can always shoot me a message.

I love you girls and hope this leaves you inspired and feeling confident in who you are as God’s cherished daughter. AND I pray this message leaves you wanting to pour out yourself to others to help them beat that nasty little feeling of insecurity.

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